Outlook....

Hello friends.
Just could not sleep last night. Something was bothering me . I was thinking about my conversation with young women who was able to escape cancer spreading by early prevention and regular check up. She was bitter about not being able to have more children and talked about being unhappy . I had very different outlook on her situation. I feel that you have to concentrate and be thankful on what you have rather than feel sorry for what you could have -in her case she has 2 healthy ,beautiful kids.
If you think about our daily routine and news we listen too, there is very little of positive.
Its easy to go with a flow and drag your existence ,but try to find positive in every day life.
You will see ,how much happier you will be. Just simple smile and thank you to a girl behind coffee shop counter will make her day.Whatever you do ,whenever you go -try to bring goodness . I try to reach out to people that hurt me ,that feels right to know that I'm better person.You don't have to go to extreme ,but reserved interest and participation in persons life when in trouble or lost -takes you to a different level.
Sammy is OK. We met new hospice doctor few days ago.He stated that Sammy looks good.
I said its the love he gets and all the hugs and kisses from family. That is why Sammy is still with us -I know that he feels the love and care every day at home. Would we ever give Sammy up to 'Special' care facility? Never. He is our angel and he belong with us.
Count your blessings .
Sammy and Mom

Bris

Hi ALL,
There has been ,no changes in Sammy's condition. Our hospice nurse visited after week break.She though that Sammy look little pale and had minor changes unfortunately not for better. We all have days like that-I said. Still believe in better ,we refuse to accept the fact that we loosing this beautiful boy little by little ,day by day.
This morning we was part of 'Bris' celebration. Our good Friends Muchnik family welcome their first son .This was truly a special occasion .We reunited with many friends and community members we have not seeing since Sammy's illness. I got a 'Flash' back from Sammy's 'Bris'. I remember being ,so nervous and upset that my baby was crying.
I had only one felling -Happiness for our friends that after 3 beautiful daughters -finally got a son. I could never feel or try to compare our situation to any one else .For us our situation is for us to handle ,it does not apply to anybody else. G-d has a special plan for us.One day we will discover exactly what it is. Through out this path and ,so much pain it feels that Almighty has been holding my hand ......

Growth

Hi All,
This days we realizing reconsidering a human power. Yes,that's right.
Before Sammy got ill ,I've always thought that we as a human beings can do and change everything.Than after the bad news -we felt helpless.We run after every possibility to save Sammy and still have not achieve desirable result. Than I felt little-lost. Just like a dot in the giant map.
Time went by and time is the best doctor . I started to recognize my strength and ability to make a difference. I feel it all your attitude in life,how much I changed from taking things for granted to appreciating waking up in the morning. I feel that my personal growth and relationship with my family had changed drastically for positive. I realize that beneath needless things I wanted,it something very special that makes me happy- my kids laughing and bonding ,hug from my hubby, a support and love from my in-law family and much more that is way more meaningful than new handbag or pair of new shoes.
Sammy is well .As well as we can wish for at this point -comfort ,pain free life is what matters now. I can see he is still declining ,but not as fast as before.I guess after all bone marrow transplant might play a role after 1,5 years after.
He is a beautiful child .His skin is flawless and he looks healthy .If you look at him while he is sleeping you could never tell how terminally ill this child is -he looks perfect just like Angels do.
XOXO Sammy and Mom

XOXO

Hi All,
We are in busy 'life twister' -not enough time for work,home. Since Mom went back to work, time spent with Sammy is a treat. Constant battle of emotions and guilt ,has been on Moms mind .Return to work was the best remedy even know there is fare amount of stress there too.
Sammy has shown great stability in the past week. He is happy and pain free.He loves commotion around his room,different voices,book readings and long hugs.
Sammy and family have a new friend now. Annie is his new massage therapist.She brings very warm presents and powerful positive energy to our home.Every one can't wait to see her.
Countless friends around the house always welcome .We have a great time in the comfort of our home next to Sammy-he must be part of our daily life -no matter what.
Sometime you feel disconnected .Don't give up,you can find good people on your way.
Keep your eyes open,stay positive-life is full of surprises and it's up to you to recognize positive and make it part of your life.
XOXO Sammy and Mom

Spring swing....

Hello everyone,
Sammy got new hair cut.Buzzzzzz! The most interesting thing is that after transplant his hair got very dark almost black color.It turns out that under it his own lighter color coming through.
It seem that Sammy is getting back to his own more comfortable body ,even know allot of functions have been lost . His condition is much more stable ,when he does not have to fight any bacteria. We are careful with anyone who is visiting him in his room-hand wash is a must.
Just recently,I spoke to few people that indicated more cases of this horrific disorder in boys.
The age of boys are in much wider range than ever before. We have heard of effected boys as young as 2 years of age to nearly 14. Most cases believe to be from 6-12 years old before.
Parents of this kids will need a tremendous amount of support , that is why our web page is existing -please pass it on ! We are here to help other parents to support and help to deal with it.
Our house is full of friends again. We are back in to full swing this spring! Life goes on, we are living through our pains with friends and family.Just recently,I found my self thinking about 'things,some people that aggravate me'. Why waisting time on it? I guess our upbringing and constant reminder of to be 'kind to another person' prevented me to do 'Spring cleaning'. Not anymore. Get rid of negative in your life! What ever or who ever it might be!
Of course that's if you can recognize it first. Life is too short ,to waist it on unnecessary commotion.
Sincerely,Sammy and Mom

Play in my sandbox Mom....

Hello everyone,
Another party for Mom! This Saturday, my husband ,all kids and family was working very hard to cook ,clean ,serve! Saturday is Moms working day,so I entered in to 'Mom party heaven' that day. Everyone work ,so hard .Alek's cooking a storm!My older son Mike grilling,Eva setting up tables,Marina cleaning up .Wow! Thank you ,so much -what a treat!What about next year....?
Now ,back to our Sammy. His schedule have been pretty full .Every day we try to keep tight schedule on his meals ,play time,reading,walks outside,family time.
Mom finally found a great hand message unit-new gadget. It works great on Sammy's back and the rest of the body . His mostly laying positions has increased weakness of muscles and this is one way of increasing a blood flow and relieve ache .
Just today ,spending sometime with older daughter ,we remember how funny ,Sammy was before.We reminded each other of ones great times with now ,so weak Sammy.
I remembered taking a jacuzzi for the first time in the house,how my kids learned how to pick a lock on my bathroom door and enter .They end up in my jacuzzi in split seconds from entering not bothering to remove any of their clothing.
What a mass this was!Not only water overflowed on the floor , after we finally stop laughing hysterically and exit the bath-we discovered that there was very little water left since every other drop was spilled on the floor.
This are the precious memories ,that we will cherish for the rest of our lives.
Do you have many memories with 'parents turning to kids for a moment'?
When you fell like playing in your kids sandbox? Does it means as a child you have not played enough with your dolls? Do you ever wonder if your kids will remember their childhood as fun times?
XOXO Sammy and Mom

Follow your heart..

Hello Fans,
Its weekend again.
Sammy had pretty quite week.No surprises -Thanks G-d.
Mom has came back to work last week and had a 'warm' welcome back. It has been great change . I guess I was just too consumed with my own health concerns in the past few month,that I have forgotten how much I really missed selling and just meeting new people.
Retail had also changed in the past few month. Ones I get my perspective on different kind of stress between work and home- were my other hardest job in the world waiting for me -being a Mom. Every day I wake up with a new eye opening discoverys and thoughts.....
Sometimes it feels like you standing behind closed door and too afraid to open it-sensing that some one might be standing there...Which way is that door opens? Can you hurt someone if you open it too fast? Or to your surprise there would be no one?
Life is a constant guessing game ,do I figure out the right part of this path? or will get further away from the ultimate goal?
Its for G-d to know and for us to find out.....All we can do is follow your heart .
For now good night..
Sammy and Mom

Challanges

Hello fans,
Happy Mothers Day.
Naturally I had to work that day.
Our home is filled with flowers from my B-day.Mothers day and just flowers from friends.
Sammy is doing as well as his condition permits . Lately he got another increase in meds,to ease his pain.Relaxed he have been having allot better days . He is continue to takes walks everyday with Grandpa and Dad sometimes. Otherwise he is mostly in bed or on Moms lap .
I often think of people that surround us. Every one of you that had reached out or pray for Sammy has been in my prayers too. Tremendous support from all of you give us strength .
I specially pray for G-d give us power to understand and except things that we can't change in our life's. Sammy's current condition has been difficult to understand or except. I believe in chance of the miracle-it had happened before to other people and can happen again to Sammy.
Sammy is our Blessing and our whole family's life is build around his needs no matter what.
He is home and getting love and care he needs-we can't have it any other way.
Its is challenging to get back to work and still be a care taker 24/7,but life is full of challenges and we take them one at the time.
XOXO Sammy and Mom

Who is in my bed?

Hello friends,Thank you for million B-Day wishes!
Mom is officially 'big girl ' now. Never care about my age ,probably never will. I just see the importance of living productive life,hope that I can make positive difference ,no matter how long we have in this world.Big deal few wrinkles more .I think what matters is how much you had accomplished in your life not how old you are.
What a week! I went back to;' work today. It' was great to see many old friends and co-workers.
I'm sure it will take me sometime to get back in to routine,but my return fell very natural.
It was like fish getting back to the water,after all this is my 15Th year with this company,this is all I know and love doing-Selling gorgeous shoes! If I can't buy them all-at least I can see them every day and try it on..
Our Sammy was very confused today. At first he could not figure out who was in his bed. His older sister Marina is back from collage. Exhausted ,she completed her year with good grades.Go Marina-We are very proud of her.She exided our expectations so far!
She was ,so exited to see Sammy and family ,so she fell to sleep in Sammy's bed .I was just checking on him and could not keep my self from busting in to laugh. Sammy look exited,but confused.On one hand he got emotional and enjoyed cuddling with his older sister on the other hand he was trying to figure out who was in his bed?!.Ever since he started to talk instead of saying Marina -he shortened her name to Nina.That is what he always called her .
XOXO Sammy and Mom

Bend don't break...

Hello friends,
We have a good news,no one else has been effected by salmonella in our family.
Still working on promoting caution with in the household and school not to spread bacteria further ,awareness of importance of hand wash and not sharing any food with any one has been our focus.
Sammy is doing well this week. It's hard to believe we can catch a break for now.
In few days ,Mom's B-day . Its a 'BIG' one. Knowing that celebrations is impossible ,we are going away for 3 days this weekend . I never thought I can think of relaxing or catch some sleep....
Looking back on the past 3 month,the only thing I was preying for is for Sammy to be with us for much longer and strength to handle all of this.After going through some difficult time in the past 3 month,mom is coming back to work on Thursday of next week.
I keep thinking about how fragile we are,how easy is to break down. What comes to my mind is old saying 'Bend don't break' or 'Scare me G-d but don't punish me'....
Keeping strong is my goal,getting back to work and do my best that is what is on my agenda.
How about you? What is in you future? What is your plans?
XOXO Sammy and Mom.